And the lone ranger rides into the sunset … yet again! (part II)


Whenever you think your life is all figured out… it hits back! A new element of surprise or Chaos springs out of nowhere to ruin your peace. When last time the ranger rode off to the sunset in “And the lone rager rides into the sunset” all seemed well but as it was remarked that this peace was momentary.For the moment the Sheriff Lawkeeper small-b was having a lazy time strumming his Guitar but who knew that a crisis would rise again in form of a tall dark shabby underground figure who larks in the shadowy streets… Kingdom of Queen deWatery was in peril…incidentally Sheriff’s Guitar strings broke due to his bad playing so he took out his horse and got back to his habit of riding into the sunset every evening!

Subba Cavedogg

Cavedogg was a dear pal of  snoop dogg at in elementary rapping school and then snoop went on to become the rapper of the gangsters or gangstaz or whatever, and cavedogg became a real gangster, a pot-bellied don and assumed the name Subba cavedogg –the god of Boss’s Lake. Boss’s lake was just some 5 km’s from the pshycotic Undone’s hellish dwellings that is bordered by a dark moat which smells of hydrogen sulphide and breeds death eaters called Anopheles.

Cavedogg was friends with both Count Pomegranate and Undone for different reasons. Cavedogg respected Pomegranate as the Count was an accomplished student in the same rapping school as his but gave it up to become a real lone exponent of boring classical music. The count was lonesome a la Count Dracula of the far away Transylvennia, for he could bore anyone’s life out of him by making him listen to his songs, which were such bores that a man would die within first few lines out of his fasttrack boredom. Count Pomegranate holds the record of heavening or helling a man in less than a minute, which Dracula died trying to break (god rest his soul). So you see Cavedogg respects Pomegranate mainly just as Chota Shakeel respects Daoud bhai.And you may very well guess that Cavedogg befriended Undone just as Chota shakeel earned the trust of local thugs giving them some impression as if they were the ones running the show, in short Undone was like tapori on the loose with his tail being pulled by Cavedogg’s unseen strings.

Cheapcreep and Daryabhatta's experiment

Daryabhatta lives in a nearby slum to Cavedogg’s area and he is a mad scientist with a poker face that hides his plans of devious ‘experiments with the truth’. Daryabhatta’s creepy old-friend from the university– Sir Trusty Cheapcreep is cahoots with him in his attempts to destroy the truth. Trustycheapcreep is an eccentric who is always mumbling to himself ‘I lost it… it fell off’, god knows what he lost– his eyes, screws from his scull or whatever else. Cheapcreep was originally only Sir Trusty Creep, but owing to his fetish for using Local made cheap appliances to all his gadgets and devices, the local electrnics company named ‘SanTosH’ awarded him the title Cheap-creep … and the name Cheapcreep caught on! These two are always seen pryingly sitting on some roadside tea-stall and munching on ‘britannia marie’ on the evenings just to lay their hands on unsuspecting Guinea Pigs for their experiments. Daryabhatta with his hideous rush of dark beard would anyday scare the living daylights out of any lion, and sir Cheapcreep could entice any lady (mainly non-blonde stupids) with his golden streaks of beards, and then brainwash them into becoming followers of the ‘Ugly betty brigade’ . These loony bins are funded by a tall dark shabby underground figure who larks in the shadowy streets and goes by the name Shoddypoker Boss.

Shoddypoker

The Shady Shoddypoker, on a street

Shoddypoker was a rags-to-riches story, literally so because Shoddy started by selling rags on the streets. While hustling with the customers he understood he brought a drama-queen like sincerity to faking business and he was rich overnight. With a crowsnest like mop on his head, and his theatrical antics (in bengali– natok & in hindi– nautanki), he soon became a ragging or rather clothing sensation. He even set up a rag store named “Noisihb Xenna “.

In the court of queen deWatery the neo-rich Shoddypoker kicked up a storm because he had unknowingly locked his horns with Undone by developing a romantic interest in her highness deWatery! Shoddy claims that the queen was his apple of the eye from long back– from the days when he was up with his theatrics on the footpaths, but who will convince the headstrong Undone. He has assumed the queen to be his own since he had proposed, little does he consider that he is running for high stakes! Shoddy is an intelligent man he knows the way with women. Rather than getting him to their mercy, he decides to keep them guessing… this also keeps Undone more on his toes and he too keeps guessing! Meanwhile Shoddypoker’s friends from his street days, when he used to frequent the same tea-stalls in the evenings as them–Daryabhatta and Cheapcreep come to his aid. He uses their contacts with the queen’s court to his advantage. Given that these two are the only available technical and rational help for her majesty’s court they are close confidiants of the queen and they are always optimistic that the queen will ultimately fall for the rich,tall,dark,shabby Shoddypoker– so what if he has a mop for his head and always hustles with the deliberate efficiency of a drama-queen!

The fans of Undone, “thou art really make’th a folly” to have undermined Shoddy for he has the pet Don, Subba Cavedogg, in his beck and call! Cavedogg controls all the finances in Shoddy’s shady world of shadowy transactions. So if anyone were a living representation of the ‘Don Corleone’ from Mario Puzo’s The Godfather it would be Shoddy and … Shoddy only! Shoddy was the pivot of the entire situation, while each thought that he himself was the one! However there is a notable disconnect between the Count and Shoddy.. mainly because there cannot be two Crocodiles in the same water without some bloody-ego-clashes. Even if you would kindly note… even Undone is not willing to directly step on toes here with Shoddy for he is not aware of what vicious ‘stratagem ‘ might be unleashed by Shoddy’s pet whimsical scientists– Daruabhatta and Cheapcreep, and what might happen to Undone’s prestige then. Daryabhatta has a hobby of making ‘fooossssssssss’ sounds out of every where i.e he punctures everything that he tests, so it’s very reasonable to be afraid to be around with Dr. Daryabhatta because at any moment your reputation, prestige anything can just get fooosssshed! Even  Cheapcreep is thankful that Daryabhatta could not advance with this ability of foossshing beyond prestige and reputation, else… where would be you and me, we would have been fooosssshed by now!

The Sheriff lawkeeper small-b

Although our old Truthseeker Guru, has left his business and gone corporate with old Soweak, where he is now really giving Bill Gates some stiff edge, but they did not forget their humiliation by Undone. Soweak and Guru have decided to side up with the Count, and to have their revenge. They even approached the Sheriff Lawkeeper Small b as well as me– the poor narrator, with loads of cash to become their Propaganda expert against Undone. But as you know me, as well as Sheriff– we are some really honorable men and to us “money and fame to sirf maya hai!(illusion)”. So, rumor has it that inevitably they approached Shoddypoker with this ‘indecent proposal’, but the outcome is murky. Instead Sheriff has gone more vigilant over a possible storm approaching in the horizon! Amidst all this only Sir Cheapcreep is up with antics. Twice he got thrown out of a tea-stall for behaving like a unruly Red Indian witch doctor, upon drinking some of his own test samples with his tea, and thrice he went to complain to Sheriff that someone is stealing his beard every night… mistaking it for real gold!

So you see Undone is now playing the card he plays best… playing the victim, to win over sympathy of the queen! Just to drive the point home we can say that Undone’s trail of destruction had touched Soweak, the Count, the Guru, even the boss of bosses Shoddy & his ‘Aera’ right-hand Cavedogg. But the queen knows well of him… she has not broken off with her friends inspite of the bloating by Undone! She has kept all her pursuers hanging… Undone yet to see through the mystery ( he is such a jughead!) and Shoddypoker sending mixed messages to the Queen, and her highness herself is confused! Only Count Pomegranate has focussed into eliminating the general populace with his musical genius ( I don’t know why he did not invite Undone once and make him listen to his songs to end the matter for good! He is one fundamental founders of the K-serials… and rumor has it he makes millions from them so he knows how to keep things hanging. So only the count is away from the dame’s influence and is making his millions!… no-doubt they are true that a dame will surely screw your plans of making  millions).

Dr. Daryabhatta and his experiments with the truth!

The Sheriff smirks his trade-mark Clint East wood smirk at these fools when he sees them but their faces betray what they are up to! Guru and Soweak had even asked the Sheriff whether they can be his deputies so that they might have their chances of making an ‘Encounter’ of Undone… but he smirked them off! Rumor has it that Don Cavedogg, kidnapped Daryabhatta and Cheapcreep to his lair to learn how to use the internet … he plans to extend his enterprise online and also to take some correspondence courses online to manage his finances over smuggling with more efficiency! He really is one progressive minded don. But you see Undone is playing his games alright … but he is a bit frightened to see the entire cloud shifting to Pomegranate’s base… with the Shoddypoker appearing like a dark spectre once in a while making his comprehension of his standing very confusing. One thing is for sure… Undone is as desperate as the ‘Desperate Housewives’ so he’s bound to turn into ‘Dev D’ if the queen evicts him out of her heart…( Undone feels he is already in), but you know we cannot afford another Dev D over here after Abhay Deol… so even her highness is not deliberating any next step.

Sheriff however in-order to warn all the quarreling parties catches Dr. Daryabhatta and jails him for 5 days charged with tampering the truth for impersonal gains … After this Cavedog lay’s low for a while… Soweak and Guru runs away from the town again… Count Pomegranate seals himself up in his castle… Cheapcreep hides under his cot and Shoddypoker dissolves into the dark alleys for the moment… but the queen has seen his eyes… and the eyes are not to be forgotten soon… With every body guaranteed to be in apparent peace for the moment the Sheriff… smirks again, a la Clint Eastwood and rides off into the sunset!

I am Undone, I'll be back!

Any resemblance (extracted by minds who are severely out of job) with any real life characters is either coincidental or incidental and should not be a potential issue of conflict. Just because this is coming in a series doesn’t prove anything…This is a poetic Disclaimer. Now it’s your call to Undo it.

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