Been a long time since the dark-subspaces :)
I stopped blogging altogether for the past 3-4 months. Several reasons. Some sad some happy… and some stress. A while ago I strongly believed, you could always be happy no matter what happens around you. Sincerely ‘All iz well’ is just for the times when you are winning and you just can’t loose in any way! Come a roadblock of failure things change drastically. You can see it change in the eyes of the people around you. All try to suggest you to forget it and look ahead, but it just dosen’t happen! There are a class of people who would otherwise not even enquire about how you are, but they flock in to relish at your distress like those scavenger birds… the worst possible kind! At such a point all you think about doing is to go right back into the battle again… the one you lost to see what you had possibly done wrong, but you have to wait patiently, and time crawls. For a person who would be online 24 hours, going offline in a social exile for more than 3 months is something. There were a lot of things I did not believe in a lot of things, and also believed in a lot of things… but some times a crushing blow to the smoothly flowing life brings you to senses.
That silence and lull you sink into when you see the rejoicing around you and you sit there knowing you are the only one who did not even make the most meager mark, you really sink… and finally you realize you are on your own. You can hear the sound of crushing dreams, sounds somewhat like breaking glass. Never been so vulnerable in life as I was on a day in March 2011. When I am looking back now, from comfort afar, the intensity is missing, but the imprint is not gone. What was however a horror back then, turns into a journal account on a blog written from a hostel in Indian Statistical Institute.
Life comes with a lot of levels, and they commence at any point, non-linearly and then also there are no save-rewind options. Lately we have been dividing hyperspaces with hyper planes, so if you consider your life in multiple dimensions i have hyperplanes orthogonal to the time axis, one at March 2011, one at June 2011 and another at July 8, 2011. The March to June subspace has been darkest hour of my life in my knowing (other than one in 3rd standard when i had not taken class notes of almost 3-4 chapters in English and did not know they were in the final exams, that’s another story, another day :D). June to July was strange with one of the happiest incidents in my life, but July and ahead is unbounded with multitude of experiences. It takes one some time to re-acquire the hang of commanding the situation once he has fallen from there, but it comes back rather not to worry!
Facebook friendships don’t change your life, that’s what I believed. And it just got back at me. It not only changed but rather went into a tailspin. Some long time friends hanged me over a non-issue, so I stopped playing Counterstrike online with them, and I started talking with one very unknown and mysterious stranger and seconds have passed into minutes, minutes to hours, hours to days and days to months! A lot had been written on my life’s scratch book in these several months and I am happy they have been written.
Anyway it feels good to be back, writing is quite an exercise. Life at Indian statistical Institute as an M.Tech (CS) student is quite stressful. After behaving like a scaredly mouse for over 4 months finally have got a little hold over myself. And I’ll hold through. One word, “You can do anything and everything… just believe you are going to do it no matter what, the journey would be rewarding!”. Adios.