A semester at ISI (Kolkata) & a raindrop in my life
Finally yesterday, the much dreaded yet awaited first semester ended. Being an M.Tech student was assumed to be a cake-walk back in the fun filled B.Tech days. Well lot of definitions changed right after my B.Techs got over and I had to re-invent myself ground up. The dimension of the re-invention has been quite overbearing for me for a greater part of this semester. For once staying in a hostel away from mom-dad-brother was a first and for the first time I did realise my dependence on them the day I left for hostel, i.e, I was not to go back home that evening. I really did have a feeling inside which I would like to equate with the one a little bird has — the day he learns to fly (Don’t picture me in any sense to be a little bird… you’ll be disappointed, I just said that for a figure of speech). And I did cry in the evening when I was alone and nobody was around, don’t tell anyone that.
If we can leave aside the being poetic thing, there was also a entirely different experience I went through, rather as yet going through. It is Love. I am not going to spill all the beans about who what how why when where. But just know this, she is there… and we are together for more than six months. I never thought I would say to somebody that I love her, but thing was I did. We took our time to come to that point. And I still do remember the morning when I was on a bus to the institute feeling dazed having slept late (talking with her ) and woken up early, like the joy of the first raindrop she dropped in a sweet little message in my in-box that signalled a sunrise. From that day onward I rarely have a dream in my sleep, because the dream part is my waking reality (this is quite true, I did not make it up… infact on most days I don’t even realise when I have dozed off at night, I just wake up in the morning to realise uh oh… a new day has begun!). The emotional aspects of being in love + staying away from home initially had a de-stabilising effect on me. I had really become a scared cornered mouse for some two months… lost my older self.
However a complete break from everything … a 10 day visit to Kashmir restored everything. Getting detached from everything allowed me to widen my gaze and get the big picture (getting 10 out of 70 in an algebra paper yet the prof. just sending an encouraging message to try harder next time and forget about the past… just boosts ones confidence like anything, and you really get the feeling– Nothing could possibly go wrong). Also not to forget her caring and reassuring presence.
Initially I was quite sceptical about being able to fit in to the ISI groove, having never imagined that I could possibly ever get into a institute of that stature. Also the fearsome rules of “Chucking out” under performers brought chills down the spine! But a groovy bunch of total fun friends and you get the feel. With all due respect and no premature boasting… assuming that I will safely pass this semester, I will study harder the next semester… my excuse of fear has ended. And I also have to meet her … for the first time… I am looking forward to that!