Proposing to someone is err…Recursively Enumerable


Nota Bene :
This post is NOT dedicated to people who are Happily in love. But ONLY who feel they are in love & will propose soon with the question whether their en-devour will be reciprocated or not! I am humorously writing this piece, but please keep in mind it’s not to hurt anyone’s sentiments (I am not that lowly). One word of advice though, if you propose to the girl and she goes undecidable…cool off, you have not secured that coveted place in her heart.  It’s not that you are bad, or the person whom she has chosen over you will be your sworn Enemy from now on! It’s just she did not see you as the person of her dream. You like someone does not necessarily an you will be reciprocated… learn to live with that, just wait, your girl of dreams might be moments away… don’t be impatient, you cannot strangle a person to love you! Maybe you mistook fellow feelings for love… learn to let go of something that never was yours!

Y U NO DECIDABLE?

All this trying to be preachy has an one line spark! Clearly I wont speak much! I was listening to a bengali singer, who in a very melancholic voice was planning to propose to the girl of her dreams… that’s fine. But he says, he is like “ha jodi hoy hobe,na jodi hoy tobe- kichu bolo na” &  I was totally like — “You don’t say!” So the computer Science & Engineering students have this awsomely freaking paper called Automata theory. The name I think derives from “automatically screwed”, but again I am not so sure about it.

Inspite of sleeping through the lectures, I did assimilate a few concepts when my eyes were open. Bad marks (<60%) not withstanding, I am out here borrowing automata trickery into our daily drama! So there there… if you are going to propose to your lady there will be two outcomes, Yes or No. The yes is said with a lot of smile and sunny face from her majesty but in any case the answer’s going to be no you are in for a whirlwind tour of hope & hopelessness but there is never going to be an answer.

It’s like those Recursively Enumerable classes of problems where upon the Input to the Turing machine, it never Halts on a NO answer but says  YES if there is an yes. For all you laymen, activists and environmentalists — Turing machine is a little machine which has an infinitely long tape and a tape head connected to a blackbox that does all the sorcery. The catch is that this little guy is just as powerful a machine as your topnotch Super-computer. Rather even the super computer cannot have  more power than this tweedy little machine, and I am really not joking now. I am damned serious about this!

But then again the problem at hand  is a decision problem. So we are going to encode our problem in some flowery words and feed it to our prospective love. She will read/listen to our proposition just like a Turing machine does. And you’ll get an answer soon. If it’s really an yes for her she’ll say so. No hesitation or little hesitation. But if it’s a no…. you are going to be in a little trouble. Ladies are generally very well-mannered and won’t want to be hurtful on your face by saying NO. Moreover most proposals are placed in public places like Malls or parks, & given some guys are quite short tempered and rude, there is also a chance of a scene being created in public.. which is further rude!

So first signs of you not belonging to the singleton set is you are going to just get a neutral shrug. Not for once will she want to talk about love to you. Even if you try to send the word through ‘wacky’ common friends, it’s not going to work. You can’t just ‘make a person fall in love’. But in such a case you need to quit. It’ll not be easy  for you no doubt, but there is no reason that you are going to think of the man she actually loves as your enemy! If you do that… I am quite skeptical that whether you ever respected her or not! Your liking her doesn’t for granted make sure you will be reciprocated, she too is a person with her own choices! Before loving her… start respecting her for a change!

And it’d be further ill of you my foolish blokes if you try to manipulate & strain her relationship. One, if they are understanding of each-other they will just become stronger (they are learning to face the storms together). Second, if she will understand your motives, the respect (if at all was there) she had for you would slowly diminish. She would keep smiling at you, talk to you naturally… reason being: “It’s better to humor a nincompoop… than ask him to get lost (who needs a new dose of daily drama? each one has enough!! & love is not the only thing she has on her mind she too is career conscious!)”

Getting back to the original problem, So She says Yes for an Yes, but… you wont hear a NO when there is a NO. Congratulations you my fool have just hit one of those Non-Halting inputs to the decision-system!  Now whether you are going to wait for 10 mins, 10 hours, 10 days, 10 weeks, 10 months, 10 years, 10 decades, 10 millenium … doesn’t matter. At any point you are just as close to the answer as you were 10 mins, 10 hours, 10 days, 10 weeks, 10 months, 10 years, 10 decades, 10 millenium… ago. Buddy you are so gone…. don’t you get the drift AIRHEAD? It’s not you! This is what they scream as Recursively Enumerable problems, which say YES for an YES but… awsome mumbness for a no!

But don’t get disheartened dear buddies, when you will actually find her, proposing to her won’t be a question! You’ll feel Violins and Saxophones in the background and both of you would know the answer! Make sure that she too hears the the music else we are sphagetti-ying back to the start of this session! Take care… now you are on the realm of the Turing machine, non-determinism rules!

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