Postcard IV

kichhu na :)

Like you always say… when I ask you…

Dear Blackbird,
You know sometimes when I am studying for a long time, unknowingly my eyes wander from the books, suddenly I find myself staring at the wall, I keep smiling! Then I realize… “hey! I am smiling…”  Should be..! I was kind of having an imaginary conversation with you, the conversation trails off. But the words keep playing in my head! Now I wonder how on earth I know what you will be saying? Ah, endless chatting with you, endless hours of conversations & texts to and from you has created an interpolated perception of you into my minds projection of reality! I can actually feel your presence around me, just as if you were beside me physically.

Now my critics will call me a mental guy (redirect him to an asylum may be!), but you know lately I have been a bit over sensitive towards you. The misfortune of being unwell that has befallen you, does affect me to a great extent. You may not understand, not everyone’s perception works the same way! But I kind of believe you do. Not many people can predict my intents as well as you do, I was thinking how does that happen? Two explanations. First, you are the proverbial soul-mate, Second, I always stand before you void of all the complications and diplomacy. Strangest thing is that… I can easily read other people like a book (not as easily as i say), but with you it goes up like a mental block! With others I judge heartlessly… but with you I justify whatever you do as the ‘need of the hour’. And I know in this case both are valid.

I also kind of get ‘boggled’ within my mind is how controlled can one be in their outbursts in a pressing scenario while dealing with ‘Loony bins’. You get 10/10 while I manage maybe as 4.5/10. You really have proved to me the meaning of a great catch-phrase of mine “Humor the nincompoop”, I am kind of working on it… with some success though. I used to boast of cool-headedness… self-control, but I am just a novice to your ‘girly’ wisdom! A girl whatever her age is surely wiser to a guy at-least 2 to 3 years ahead of her in age, was not into believing it, but now I do. But then you are childish too when you are throwing tantrums. Often it’s pleasing to think in this entire world at-least someone is throwing her tantrums at me!

I am a fidgety person, while with people I keep poking them, irritating them and they tell me, only one person can get this fool-wise, “shall we send her a message? or you’ll sober up?” That’s somehow very pleasing to hear! And now I have grown the habit of worrying… I keep worrying about how you are, if you are eating, if you are sleeping well, if you are out in the city & whether you are safe. All a part of a latent responsibility! (why latent right now that we very well understand… don’t worry!) Waiting for these latent responsibilities to become real… when that catch-phrase “kichhu na (nothing!)” won’t be there anymore!

Have a nice evening bird, I am just sitting by  a raining scenario, how I wish you were here!

Teddy B.

P.s: This should have come sooner. It’s been days… since I last wrote something to you!